


Hold Onto Me

by novocaine_sea



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocaine_sea/pseuds/novocaine_sea
Summary: "Let's end this." Yuuri said, but it was the last thing he meant. That was the last thing he wanted to say.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings about episode 11 so here we go, my consolation
> 
> Based on [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODPgSDOgCHY)

“Let’s end this.” Yuuri said, but it was the last thing he meant. His heart plummeted into the pit of his stomach as the words left his throat. His hands curled into fists in his lap as he forced a smile onto his face, staring into Viktor’s too blue eyes. Oh how he wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He had to see Viktor’s reaction as he spoke those words.

He watched as Viktor’s face fell into one of surprise. _Look who the surprised one is now, Viktor_ … Yuuri thought and resisted the urge to laugh. It was funny, even when anxiety coursed through his veins he still found it in him to laugh.

Yes, it was the anxiety talking. The anxiety of not being good enough for Viktor. Because he saw the way Viktor looked while watching all the other skaters skate. He knew he could never elicit a reaction like that from the Russian man. Yuuri felt guilty for taking Viktor away from the ice in the first place. That’s where Viktor belonged: on the ice. Not by Yuuri’s side.

Yuuri was truly the most hated man in the world for taking Viktor away, himself being at the forefront of the hatred. He hated himself. He couldn’t keep Viktor away any longer.

“What’re you saying, Yuuri?” Viktor asked, taking the towel from his head and holding it in his hands.

Yuuri stared for a moment. He would miss quiet moments like this when Viktor inevitably went back to Russia. His time was almost up.

“I think we should end this. This… whatever we have going on.” Yuuri spread his arms in a graceless sweep.

Viktor blinked, “I do not understand. Don’t you like what we’ve created together?”

Yuuri curled his fists tighter, “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?” Viktor repeated. He didn’t get it. Why wasn’t he _getting it_?

But the entire time his anxiety induced anger was boiling, Yuuri himself was screaming in his head that he didn’t want to let Viktor go. He wanted to hold onto him, on all these wonderful memories they’ve created, on and off the ice. Why was he trying to let all that go? He was never going to be half the skater he was without Viktor beside him. They were a duo, a pair, he was at his best with Viktor…

“I took you away from what you love most and… I can’t stand it anymore. I’m sorry that you wasted your time on me when I’m not giving you the results we wanted. I’m sorry I wasted your time.” Yuuri smiled softly to himself. Ah yes, it was all coming back to him. The time in the hot springs in Japan where he had met with Viktor for the first time, skating Eros for the first time in the competition with Yurio, competing with Phichit and other newfound friends. He was having the time of his life and yet he had this immense guilt inside of him.

Viktor’s mouth opened and then closed. He was thinking, Yuuri could see the wheels turning behind his eyes.

“You did not waste my time, Yuuri-”

“Don’t lie to me!” Yuuri yelled. He felt the tears burning behind his eyelids when he closed them and moved his fingers under his glasses, trying to press them into his eyes to stop the tears. They spilled out and in between the cracks. He pushed his glasses up and his vision swam, Viktor becoming a blurry blob, “I saw the way you were watching Yurio skate! And Otabek, and Christophe! You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t miss it! You never look at me the same way you look at them when I skate! I… I can’t keep you from what you love anymore, Viktor, I’m sorry.”

Yuuri stood up. Viktor stood with him, reaching for his wrist. His fingers curled around it, holding Yuuri to him. “Wait, Yuuri-”

“Please, let me go.” _No, please hold onto me…_

“Your skating inspires me.” Viktor blurted out. Yuuri stopped trying to tug out Viktor’s grip and turned to look at him, fat tears still spilling from coffee colored eyes.

“Inspires… you…?”

Viktor nodded and a soft smile graced his face, “Yuuri, I had lost the passion in my own skating but seeing you skate… it filled me with that lost passion and most importantly, love. You gave me love and passion again.”

“But the other skaters-”

“They don’t matter, not like you do. Am I not allowed to admire skating? Just because it’s not you doesn’t mean I do not have an appreciation for the sport.”

Another low blow. Yuuri wanted to be selfish and fight back but he didn’t want things to escalate.

Viktor gripped his chin and forced Yuuri to look at him, “Do you not get it? I love you. I love _you_ Yuuri. I…” He laughed softly. This was a man who never bore his heart and here was, laying it all on the table. Yuuri was just blinded by his own anxiety. Viktor brought his free hand up and brushed his own bangs out of his face.

“I would not have flown to Japan to be your coach if I didn’t see potential. I would not have stuck around for as long as I did if I didn’t enjoy your skating. You’ve touched me, Yuuri, here.” He brought Yuuri’s hand to his heart, the smile never leaving his face, “I hope I’ve touched you too.”

_You have no idea…_

Yuuri started sobbing again, chest heaving, shoulders trembling. Viktor stepped back in surprise, not knowing what to do, much like the first time he had seen Yuuri cry like this.

“If you really want me to leave, I will but-”

“No.” Yuuri said, quietly, barely a whisper.

Viktor loved him. He loved him and his skating and everything they had created together, just like Yuuri did. It took having to force it out of Viktor to realize it, but it was there in the open. Yuuri’s heart was still beating rapidly, threatening to escape from his chest. But he raised his head, meeting a blurry figure of Viktor eye to eye.

“Hold onto me.”

And Viktor did.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/)


End file.
